Thursday, May 5, 2011

Ode to my Mother

I've been thinking about mothers and motherhood a lot, at first I thought it was God trying to tell me something - now I think it's because Mother's day is coming up, a huge portion of my friends are with child or have babies, and my actual Mom is 8,361 miles away assisting mothers with birth - and maybe God's trying to tell me something.

I've been imagining the love I might feel for a child of my own - it's overwhelming, just to think about. Esspecially when I think about it getting to the point of not wanting me around all the time, I don't think I could handle that.

Then I think about the love my mom and dad must feel for me... it's humbling.
I wasn't always the greatest kid to my parents. I said things I regret, I kept them at arms-length (mostly in my teen years and early college). Now I have all the freedom and independence I could hope for and all I want is to curl up with my mom and have her read to me.

My mom tirelessly loved and provided for us during times of severe financial and emotional hardship. My folks were missionaries in Mongolia after communism fell (when I was 7 to the age of 10). My mom learned how to acquire and prepare food, with help from my dad of course, and keep three wild little girls occupied and clothed; she was and is amazing. She read to us for hours while we played with her hair.
As I grew up I read to myself, I didn't play with her hair, I craved distance from my insane family. I left our home in Malta at age 17 to live in Eureka with family friends and go to Community College. I still missed my mommy so much it hurt. The freedom I fought for came at a price.
I remember lying in bed the morning my mom left on a plane back to Malta, not knowing when I would see her again and the tears gushed. That first year was really hard but I still saw her at least every six months or so.

This last bout of separation has been the longest I can remember. She left for Australia to do a birth attendance school in June of last year and won't be home until June of this year. Which isn't far away and we are both counting down the days. Between now and then is her 50th birthday and mother's day - I hate that I won't be with her for either of those special days.

It's been so fun to grow up with her as my mom. She's gorgeous, has a beautiful voice, cooks better than anyone in the world, is the best artist I've ever met and now, I'm sure, she's the best at catching babies there is. Yet, she's a flawed sinful person, just like me. I love being so close to someone and seeing the image of their creator and rejoicing in that glory - while acknowledging where we as humans fall short.

In my teens and very early 20s I saw my mom's sins, her short-comings and her flaws and I was so upset. I've since balanced that understanding of her humanity with the essence of the divine that lives and breathes within her. She is beautifully and wonderfully made in God's image and I am so privileged to be her daughter.

Mama’s Losin’ It

5 comments:

leslie@gleaninggrace said...

WOW!
I love it! All of it! But especially this last part...

"I love being so close to someone and seeing the image of their creator and rejoicing in that glory - while acknowledging where we as humans fall short.

In my teens and very early 20s I saw my mom's sins, her short-comings and her flaws and I was so upset. I've since balanced that understanding of her humanity with the essence of the divine that lives and breathes within her. She is beautifully and wonderfully made in God's image and I am so privileged to be her daughter."

I bet your Mother is INSANELY proud to have you as a daughter!

Stopping by from Mama Kat's...

Louise said...

I am speechless, well almost, if I was truly speechless, there would be no comment.

This is the best mother's day gift ever! I remember going through the same sorts of revelations about my mom at the same age. Now I have to say, I am so grateful to my mom for the heritage she has given me. She was a pioneer for natural childbirth and breastfeeding. She was radical going against the norm in society, at the time. Because of her I have been able to follow my dream to be a midwife, but not just her but you, my first born. I had no idea how wonderful being a mother could be until you made me a mom. That is where the dream first germinated. I have both of you to thank. I am so blessed to be sandwiched between such strong, intelligent, talented, beautiful women.

And yes, I am INSANELY proud of you!

Peter Hogan said...

This is gorgeous Melody!
You should have a baby.
The spawn of Luke and you would be nothing short of splendid.

Briana.Alfaro said...

Melody...this is beautiful, honest and so splendidly written.

Mama Mote said...

You write so eloquently, Melody. I am glad to have had your family a part of my life for a short time. It was your mom who introduced me to Moms In Touch and helped me learn how to pray for my daughters (you probably don't remember them). I was sad to see you all move, but knew that God had other plans for you. What a blessing you all are and I'm glad to keep up through blogs and facebook. I'm blessed to have Elizabeth close by with her husband. And Danielle is only a flight away (in Eugene, OR). I treasure the times we can get together, as little as that is, and make the best of those times. So, I pray you have more times with your mom and family, esp. when you start your own family.

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