The Rocker’: Bored out of my skull 50 percent of the time -- I laughed the hardest during the previews
By MELODY STONE, The Eureka Reporter
One star if you have nothing better to do on the planet.
Five stars if you love wasting time.
I had high hopes for the Rainn Wilson lead role debut. Wilson plays the lovable, awkward Dwight Schrute on the American version of the mock-reality show “The Office.” He also played a snarky, clever convenience store clerk in “Juno,” known for such lines as, “That’s one doodle that can’t be undid.”
He’s a great supporting actor, minimally physical and limited in facial expressions. It works for Dwight and small supporting characters.
Like the Joker said in “Dark Knight,” he’s like a dog chasing cars, but didn’t know what to do once he landed a lead role.
The premise is that Robert “Fish” Fishman (Wilson) was once a part of a metal band destined for stardom. Right before they get signed, the band manager says they need to kick Fish out of the band.
Flash forward 20 years: Fish gets fired from his job for attacking a co-worker who plays his old band’s new album (they are bigger than Metallica now). Fish’s girlfriend kicks him out and he moves in with his sister and her family. His nephew plays in a band that needs a drummer for their prom gig. As a last resort, they ask Fish to play. So they play the prom and they decide to practice online via webcams. Fish doesn’t realize his is a camera, plays naked and becomes a YouTube sensation, leading to the band getting signed on a record label.
Just getting to that point was long and tedious and not nearly as funny as it should be.
It was like the director took all the awkward warm-up takes of each scene and chose them instead of the ones where the actors nailed their lines and the jokes.
The high school band is made up of Fish’s fat nerdy nephew Matt (Josh Gad); depressed, supposed to be weird and unapproachable, hot best friend Amelia (Emma Stone from “Superbad” and “House Bunny”); and baby James Franco (Teddy Geiger as Curtis). Seriously, this kid looks so much like James Franco I wondered if it’s possible that he could be his son or brother.
None of these kids could act; none of them were funny.
Honestly, there’s no reason to see this movie. You could go rent “School of Rock” and get the same movie, only better.
It was a good idea that was not delivered well. This movie will join the ranks of DVDs that line the comedy wall at Figueiredo’s that just sit there day after day gathering dust.
Ten years from now, people will look at the cover and think, “That looks funny, but I haven’t heard anything about it. If it was any good I would have heard something … is it worth my time and $3 to see if it’s funny… ooooh ‘Rocketman’! I haven’t seen that in ages.” “The Rocker” will be left to fade into obscurity, a blemish on each of these actors’ IMDB pages.
(Melody Stone is a huge comedy fan, loves “The Office” and owns “Juno.” She laughed so hard at the preview for a movie she doesn’t even remember the name of, but it involved Jason Biggs getting his unibrow shaved, and he asked Dane Cook if he should get his tips frosted and Dane Cook said, “What are you, a mini-wheat?” and Biggs turns his head to look at Cook and the stylist accidentally shaves his whole eyebrow off. She can be contacted at email@example.com or 707-269-7437.)